im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
