waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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