I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
