i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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