The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize