I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
