mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
