I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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