just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
