My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
