I just pynch a tree in the face
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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