Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
