The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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