did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hell yes lets make some ravioli
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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