My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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