You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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