I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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