It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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