not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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