I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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