I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
