i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
