you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
