Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
