I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
