I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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