Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
