Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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