I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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