so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
