Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize