She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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