i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He felt like a one man threesome
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
