how can u be prego again
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
