Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
