I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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