dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
