why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
