She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
