thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
