I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dignity is for republicans.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
