Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just blew my weed a kiss
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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