I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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