Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
