So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
