Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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