i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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