Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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