He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
