i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
