It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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