I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
