The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
