And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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