Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
