By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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