I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
