she was so not down for the gang bang
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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