well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
