My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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