Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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