If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
