The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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