when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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