So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
