Where is the hickey?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
