I hate your face
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
