I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
