I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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